Honor

I am amazed about how much has changed since I first opened this blog up I think back in 2009.  Back then, my focus was on the belief that I was stuck under my parents' thumb and that God was basically asking me to leave my parents and never look back.  This was only part truth, a lie from the Enemy.  There are times where God may require us to undergo opposition from those we love when we breakaway from the norm, and this does include when the 'norm' is good.  This was the case.  Neither of us were wrong, but who was right did not matter so much as God is right.  I took offense because I felt like I was expected to admit I was wrong and the other was right.  It felt emasculating and I was so bitter and unforgiving and I never gave my parents a chance.  I never saw their heart, I just saw how I felt.  My heart was still in the old way of thinking that clings to others for my own self-benefit instead of loving them with open-hands and letting them choose to love me back.  being rejected or abandoned was so scary and I did not want to face the hurt that I had been through from my mom and dad's divorce and then my mom and step dad nearly divorce my senior year in high school when I was transitioning from adolescence to adulthood.  My maturity severely digressed at that point because the stability that I had was completely pulled out from under me.  I lived from that moment on trying to please myself while appeasing my parents so that they wouldn't reject me, kick me out of the house, or abandon me.  I loved them, but my focus was more on myself and getting what I could out of them instead of coming underneath them and honoring them from my heart while being my true self.  I did not know my true self back then.  i just knew a young man who did not have a clue about who he was and was so desperate for a father's affection and was broken-hearted because that had been denied him a second time by one whom he thought was his dad's replacement.  Now, all these years later - years of frustration, fear, resentment, confusion, and clinging, God has replaced that fear and demand that my parents approve of me so that I don't have to face rejection with a heart of honor, unconditional love, and desire to truly honor and love my parents with open hands.  this is very risky, as truly loving means that at times I may be required to say things or make choices that they do not agree with; and they could leave me.  But love does not try to make someone stay.  Love loves and keeps on loving even when the other person does not receive it.  love builds up, it seeks to find the good in the other person, and desires that the bad be weeded out of them because it cares about them, not because that other person's bad things is making my life inconvenient.  Love does not demand that the other person be us, and it does not demand that the other person be where we want them to be so that we will not have to deal with our own fear for them.  that's very hard to decipher, because God certainly does not call for passivity in relationship.  If there's concern, then it needs to be voice, but not so that we do not have to feel afraid for them.  This is very hard in parent-child relationships, especially as the child becomes an adult and begins to establish themselves as separate and equal to their parents.  Parents don't want to let go, but sometimes the child doesn't either.  Parents want to keep the memories close and hold on for far too long, but so does the child at times.  I wanted so bad for things to get better in the home that I grew up in that I found myself believing that I was towing the line between pleasing God and pleasing my parents.  It was so confusing, but God did not abandon me.  His purposes were for them as well as me.  My desire now is not to prove myself right and them wrong, neither is it to 'make them see' my perspective out of desire to see them prosper spiritually.  My desire is that I enjoy them for who they are and speak life and honor to them and when there is disagreement I can turn it around into thankfulness for their hearts and honor them while not necessarily doing what they think if God is not leading me that way.  Love does not demand that the other agree, it does not seek for status quo so that we do not have to deal with rejection, abandonment, conflict, confrontation, etc.  Love does not rejoice when evil triumphs, and it does not allow for relationships to remain unhealthy, because mis-aligned relationships hurt both parties.  If my mom, dad, or step-dad ever read this, I am sorry that in years past I did not see you for your desires for good in my life.  I was wrong in that, even though I may have been right about what I felt God prompting me to do.  You can be completely right, but still be wrong.  I am sorry that I wasted so much time trying to defend myself and protect myself from having to face rejection or abandonment and the pain that came with it when I could have been enjoying you and seeing you for your heart, even if we didn't see eye to eye.  The summer that I worked at the camp in Colorado, God branded on my heart the perspective of parents who are trying the best they know how to help their children but feel powerless when their child is making decisions that are risky.  It is so hard to not want to make the person make our decision, especially when we know we are right.  Trying to get those kids to see that keeping their water bottles filled so that they don't dehydrate was so frustrating because they did not see from our perspective.  We were responsible for them, but they were just being them.  To have a heart that empowers and inspires takes time to revamp and learn to not want to make or 'convince' the other person to do what we think they should out of our own fear.  I was humbled and for the first time saw how it was for you.  I am grateful that you have and always will care enough to say something, and I believe that if I choose to honor you and be thankful for your involvement in my life even if I don't agree, that a huge burden will no longer be on your shoulders because you will know that your heart is heard and understood by me.  that is what people need.  When we honor people, especially parents and family, we acknowledge and see them for how God sees them, and we deal with the things that need to change in the relationship out of that heart, not to simply try to maintain status quo to protect ourselves.