Jacob's Dream

When Jacob laid on the stone at the place that became know as Bethel, he had a dream in which he saw God standing at the top of a stairway that led from earth to heaven, or rather heaven to earth.  This dream was an event that was to mark the rest of his life.  He would always remember and take heed in the turbulent years ahead of God's promises for him.  God chose Jacob not because he qualified based on the general first-born son tradition(which is not evil in and of itself), nor because God was a respecter of Jacob and not Esau.  God chose Jacob because he chose Jacob.  Plain and simple.  This would have the enmity of Esau towards Jacob during these years, especially after Jacob had cheated Esau out of his birthright by his cunning.  Jacob was a wrestler, not in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense.  He knew how to find ways to take what was promised to him.  The question is, did God endorse this?  Did God agree with him cheating Esau?  I think not.  I seriously do not believe that God intended for Jacob to cheat his brother.  After all, God's design for family was unity and love.  I believe that God wanted Esau to have a part in Jacob's inheritance.  That's just my opinion based on God's heart.  God promised to bless Ishmael and his decendents in spite of the fact that the (P)romise was to come through the natural born son of Abraham and Sarah - Isaac.  God obviously saw Ishmael, as was confirmed by Hagai's encounter with God where she called Him the God who Sees - even me!
Why did Jacob, then, who was promised the blessing, have to cheat his brother and drive a deeper wedge into his family than was already there just based on the fact that Esau wanted the birthright but was for some reason not promised it?  What I am about to converse on is an overview on an inherent belief in God's people that was exemplified in the life of Jacob.
Jacob was a homely young man.  He was clean-shaven and not the ruffian that his brother was.  I would daresay that most would pick Esau to be the one to carry-on the family inheritance.  He had the stout-hearted ability equal to the likes of Richard the Lion-Heart or Samson.  Yet God chose Jacob.  He said that the older would serve the younger.  Kind of like the last shall be first and the first shall be last.  Everything about Jacob on the outside showed a lacking of ability to carry-on the dignity to the Promise that his fathers had been given.  Esau was the better man on the outside for a job. Yet Jacob, who had been given the promise, still saw the need to deceive and cheat his brother to gain what was rightfully his.  Now, I am all for fighting for what is ours - especially when there are those who would seek to steal it.  If we did not, then our Nation that we know and love would not be.  Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union and Communism would have taken over the world.  Or America would be like Canada and Australia - still distinctly tied to the identity of England's royal legacy.  America could not have been what it became by continuing as an underling of Britain.
But at what cost do we fight for our inheritance?  By cheating our loved ones?  By stirring up an already tense situation due to jealousy and lack of understanding as to why one was chosen over the other for the job(NOT loved more - there is a difference - Jacob was chosen for the job, God loved Esau also - just despised him in comparison to the mercy He chose to extend to Jacob).  Jacob left home on the run and scared to death.  He went to the land where his mother originated from and immediately went to work to try to gain the love of Rachel even if it took 7 years.  He went through countless cheatings and deceit from his Uncle Laban, something that was certainly not honorable - especially for the years of service and commitment that Jacob gave to Laban.  But what was Jacob after, really?  Was he after Rachel?  Or was he after something more?  Rachel certainly could not fill the void in his heart, and the Promise that God had given Him could not by itself fullfill Jacob either.  Jacob came out of the womb trying to grab Esau's heel and pull him back so that HE would be first.  He felt that only by being good enough could he obtain what was already his.  Being first was his life-mission up to this point.  If he could attain the first woman that he loved, Rachel, then he would have arrived.  But he was deceived and given the second choice, one that he did not want.  The years of understandable strife between the two sisters must have torn Jacob apart.  He probably wanted to at least acknowledge Leah since he was stuck with her, but his heart was with Rachel.  Yet Leah bore more children than Rachel.  His union with Leah was more fruitful than that with Rachel, though he loved Rachel more and viewed Leah as simply a squeeky third-wheel in comparison.  All these years Jacob was after one thing.  He knew, alright, that God had chosen him.  His encounter with God at Bethel was forever branded on his heart.  Yet still, there was a part deep inside Jacob that just could not believe that the Promise was enough.  I mean, after all, he did come out of Rebekah's womb last.  The fact that he could not meet the general guidelines as the first-born haunted him, though he could not put it into words.  His every action of striving against his brother and his uncle show a deep-seeded belief that his circumstances at birth disqualified him from God's promise.  He felt that he had to fight on his own to grasp onto what was right in front of him.
When his favor with Laban began to depart and it was time to leave, he deceived Laban once again and acquired great wealth.  All the way back to the land of his father and brother, Jacob still carried this cunning and craftiness to arrange things so that they would be in his favor.  When he heard that Esau was drawing near with an army, he sent his maid-servants and Leah in small bands ahead of him so as to appease Esau in hopes that these actions would imply good-will towards his affronted brother.  And finally, when all of his family had gone ahead of him and he was left alone, a Man came and wrestled with him until daybreak. What happened hear was more than simply a physical wrestling matching to see who could pin the other down into submission.  Jacob was confronted by the One that he had truly been striving against all this time.  Jacob felt that God's simple promise could not be enough to qualify him.  He had to be 'good enough'.  He had to arrange things so that God's promises for his inheritance would come to pass.  All of his wheeling and dealing, striving and deceiving, was driven by this inherent belief that he still had to do something extra on top of God's promise to qualify.  He was a victim of circumstance because of being second instead of first, and the cruel world of Esau and Laban would NEVER cooperate with God's promise.  This root of unbelief could only be thwarted and confronted by God Himself.  All these years Jacob had been striving and refusing to rest in God's promise because he felt that he wasn't worthy of God's best, and others' actions such as Laban appeared to confirm this inherent belief.  Yet God, in His mercy, was actually saving Jacob from himself.  God already knew that Jacob would struggle with insecurity over his own worth and qualifications due to his circumstances in life.  Jacob's hopes to qualify for the Promise by being first instead of last would ruin the Promise that God had given Jacob.  Jacob would not appreciate nor hold true endearment towards a fulfilled Promise if he had to earn it by means of self-preservation.  It would ruin him.  He would always have to be good enough for the next thing.  So God allowed Jacob to suffer and travail under intense disappointment and anguish, with a torn family of his own and his childhood home pierced through the heart.  God had to get the message across to Jacob that Jacob was fine just as he was, not because he could hit the game-winning home run.  That final encounter alone at the banks of the Jabbok was the confrontation with Jacob's destiny. God came to show Jacob His love, yet still Jacob felt that he had to do something first.  All God wanted was for Jacob to let go.  That, after all, is what true repentance is - letting go and letting God.  God finally broke Jacob's hip and forever changed Jacob's view on things.  For the first time, Jacob realized that all along the promise was always his and he did not need to cheat his brother or his uncle.  Jacob was for the first time at peace with himself.  He had laid down, after much struggling and restistance, the need to prove himself to be somebody that he already was. 
When Jacob finally encountered Esau, trying to appease or qualify for the love and forgiveness of others was no longer in the picture.  Jacob was at peace with himself, and for the first time possibly ever, he realized that he loved his brother Esau, and he was truly sorry for what he had done. 

What does this have to do with us, or me, you may ask?  Well, we all struggle with this inherent need to be good enough.  Our own conciousness of sin combined with feelings of rejections and lack of love combine to feed this monster that rears it's ugly head every time we feel threatened by others' blessings, or imperfect relationships with family and friends, or are about to take that next big step in our careers.  Until we come to peace with the fact that God loves us just as we are, and that no matter what is happening in us or around us our value does not change, we will always manifest out of this some form of striving to be good enough.  For me, it has been to try to appease people so that I would be on good terms with them.  Instead of truly honoring people, I would give lip-service to avoid punishment but my heart would not be in it.  This is a form of passive rebellion. Always trying to stay on good terms with people but sacrificing true relationship and working things out with people. We become a house divided against itself when we try to attain what God wants for us by our own crafty ways.  Paul was doing this before his encounter with the Lord on the Damascus road.  King Saul was doing this when he became torn between obeying God and doing what was best for his people in the long run and folding to the fickle appetites of his people who could not see past their own temporary hunger.  He could not accept the fact that if he would just be himself and walk with God that what was best for his people would come forth, and he gave-in to their demands to hoard for themselves what God knew would cause massive repercussions in the years to come.  We HAVE to come to that place where we realize that all we are and all of our worth is a gift from God, and we just have to trust Him that He is faithful not only to us, but to others that this effects, such as our family and friends.  The Knowledge of Good and Evil is about OUR goodness, trying to be 'good enough'.  We already WERE good enough because God said so!!  The serpent got Adam and Eve to believe that God was holding out on them and they were on their own now to obtain the Life that God intended for them.  This is the nature of sin - self-preservation and the inherent desire to set-up our own system of checks and balances by which we may somehow arrive in the Promised Land - only to find that it's not enough if we do make it by our own means.  Everything that we are and are promised is wrapped in the fact that God chose us to bear His image and to cultivate this gratitude of His Sovereign Grace by loving others and fighting for the hearts of others.  It is His free gift, and we can do nothing to revoke this, other than walk away from it and try it on our own.
The story of Jacob is the story of all of us.  God gives a promise, we get excited, then we start to wonder why everything happening around us seems to be to the contrary.  God is after our hearts.  He wants us to believe without a doubt that His love is unconditional and the only thing we have to do is choose to believe it and walk in it.  He will allow whatever hell on earth that He can without actually killing us to bring to death this inherent root of unbelief.  This is what God has been doing with me these last four years.  His Promises have seemed unattainable because of circumstances and because of limits in the natural realm such as finances, transportation, dependency on parents, oppositition from family due to their own fear and them not understanding what's going on, etc. In this, however, He has been instilling in me an inherent testimony that He is faithful and He who begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it, even until the day of Christ Jesus.  He has been teaching me that it is not my fault that others have rejected, I am not a victim of divorce, family splits, abuse, and fatherlessness(although they have effected me), and that I can trust that He has my best interest in mind, as well as those I love.  A few weeks ago I asked the Lord what His dream was for my family, and His response was 'Jacob, you are my dream for them'.  The picture is so much bigger than just me attaining the promise.  The picture is me learning to trust that God is a good Father and that He will never leave me nor forsake me and he WILL restore my family no matter how crappy things look right now.  My part is to learn to love with His love, trusting Him, forgiving others, and not compromising on His path for my life just because others may temporarily abandon me because their own fears and unbelief get hit by the Wisdom of God that is incomprehensible to mortal men.  God is faithful, and He chose me.  Jacob's dream, though interepretted by him as his means of arriving and finally being 'good enough', was actually God's dream to use what appeared to be a dashed and hopeless situation with the runt of the litter into the most breathtakingly beautiful story of a promise fulfilled and brothers truly reconciled.  Take heart, God's people!! For what appears to be the ruination of God's plans, purposes, and promises for you and your family may actually be the Valley where the necessary heart overhaul is done and the you who God created and wants to come out will be Forged(Valley Forge is where the character that the Colonial American Army under George Washington was developed- and this was what would prepare them for ultimate victory).