Moving on

It was so good to go back and really think about my testimony. Where my heart has been. I never really sat down and just in my heart recalled all of what has taken place: the sin and iniquity, the shame and void, the disappointments and heartbreaks, the tragedies and triumphs. The human heart undergoes such excruciating circumstances. I want my heart to go through what God has, without Satan's junk that he tries to get me under by putting his spin.
I don't want to look back at what transpired 3-4 years ago, meaning focus on it. By going back over my testimony, for the first time I truly see where my heart was, how I was wrestling against a God who was calling me out of hiding into repentance and restoration. Most importantly, Salvation is both a finished work done by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ AND a process to walk into by faith all that this entails, which is our inheritance. The most significant thing I have to remember is that I am a friend of God and because of Jesus I can walk with my Father in the cool of the day and just be his friend. When I'm really honest with myself, that is still so much theory. Oh, it makes sense theologically considering that Scripture points to sin being what separates us and if the veil was torn, then that separation must have been dealt with. But in my life, I still tend to think more along the screwed-up lines of 'I must be doing something wrong', and I see unreal expectations that I have on God that breed disappointment. It's about knowing Him. What a priviledge to know that Christianity is about more than getting the foundational doctrines down, altough they are significant and heresys lead to deception and false conversions, etc., it is truly about KNOWING our Creator in a real and tangible way. I no longer get irritated about churches that are stuck in the theology or going through the motions stuff. God will deal with that and draw them back to the reality and whatever they've been clinging to will have a new savour because it will be out of Knowing Him! I believe that in the coming years, God is going to deal with the religious and pagan, the Jew and Greek, the Pharissee and the Sorcerer, the slave to sin and the slave to law, on what is really in their hearts and what they really believe about God.