When it seems God doesn't care

So many of the posts that I remember posting from years past really show how much unbelief and bitterness I carry. Yes, they were real and I was expressing how I felt and thought about what was going on in my life. So much of it now I realize was me trying to process things through a paradigm of hopelessness and unbelief that God is going to come through for me. How I received(and still struggle to receive things currently) was out of an offended heart and spirit that was trying to cope with a hostile world. God has allowed a lot of suffering that at the time I felt was because I was doing something wrong. The only thing 'wrong' was I need to be conformed to the image of the One who created me, not anybody else's image of me, including my own!! The tension between others'/my own developed image of me and God's image of me create a lot of uncomfortable seasons and things that at the time I am perplexed about. It's a process of that old way of doing things that is centered on self-goodness(the Knowledge of Good & Evil), and trying to be good enough, trying to earn salvation by dead works, being two-faced to gain acceptance, conjuring up spirituality, HAS to die so that HIS nature may flow unobstructed in me. Paul says the problem is not him, it's sin in him. It's about the Knowledge of God, and the journey to work that out in every fabric of our being is where the tension between the old and the new comes to a head. The time for pointing my finger at others and always worrying about the opposition I'm going to have to deal with and the confusing voices that try to come in and dissuade me from the path that is set before me has past. It is no longer I who live, but Christ in me! Lord, let it be so. And thank You for the pain and loving me enough to kill me! He knows that during it that is not the posture of my heart, but oh the sweetness when those walls finally come crashing down and the healing is finally about to seep through.
By the way, I have not arrived by any means!! I struggle with so many things!! Some of the issues that can be read about in earlier posts I still deal with difficulty and frustration, but He's changing how I view and how I carry myself through it. My dreams are going to come into fruition this year!